PUNS FOR FUN

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Mailed to us by a Guidepost user

roadside_cafes_03_vector_181134He who jumps off a bridge in Paris is in Seine.
A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.
Practice safe eating – always use condiments.
Shotgun wedding – a case of wife or death.
sexy_legs_211949A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.
penny_farthing_bicycle_54766A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired.
Q: What’s the definition of a will? A: It’s a dead give away. 
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
chicken_120482Q: What’s a chicken crossing the road? A: Poultry in motion.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
A lot of money is tainted – Taint yours and taint mine.
chick_cartoon coming_out_from_the_egg_115550A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
Q:  What’s a midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison? A:  A small medium at large.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis..
santa_claus_tab_02_vector_180236Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.