PUNS FOR FUN

Mailed to us by a Guidepost user

He who jumps off a bridge in Paris is in Seine.

A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating – always use condiments.

Shotgun wedding – a case of wife or death.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.

A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired.

Q: What’s the definition of a will? A: It’s a dead give away. 

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

Q: What’s a chicken crossing the road? A: Poultry in motion.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

A lot of money is tainted – Taint yours and taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

Q:  What’s a midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison? A:  A small medium at large.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis..

Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

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Featured image/OpenClipart-Vectors from Pixabay