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1.  My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God and I didn’t!
2.  I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.  Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
4.  I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5.  Don’t take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.



6.  You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.


7.  Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.


8.  Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.


9.  I’m not a complete idiot. Some parts are just missing.


10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

 God must love stupid people; he made so many.
12.  The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
13.  Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

14.  Being ‘over the hill’ is much better than being under it!

15.  Procrastinate Now!
16.  I Have a degree in liberal arts; do you want fries with that?

17.  Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!


18.  They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.


19.  Ham and eggs … a day’s work for a chicken,
a lifetime commitment for a pig.


A not-so-insane advice:
Enjoy EVERY moment of your life if you’ve got
only one because you aren’t a cat 



Featured image/Prawny from Pixabay